Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
