I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
