U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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