You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
