Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
