You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
