just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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