I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
