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The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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