worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
