Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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