at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
did i walk over a car last night?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
