your parents love me but you hate me
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
