dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
