I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
