Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
be right there i have to get my cape
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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