yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
