do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
