My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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