I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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