Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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