party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
