And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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