and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
That's when you crack a 10am beer
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
