he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
cat food counts as protein by the way
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
