Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
