somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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