sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
