I'm really into asian looking animals
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
