So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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