Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
