I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
