My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
