Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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