is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
