If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
