ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
