I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
