a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
