Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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