Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
