Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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