Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
