her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
