Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
