You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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