What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
