i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
