For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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