I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
