Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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