I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
