Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
